An article on volunteerism, written by Rosalind P.D. Eaton, CVA
One of the things I often think about is how to engage the youth of All Souls in and around the church, other than through their Childrens and Youth Religious Education classes. How do we make it fun? How do we make it interesting? How do we make it intergenerational? How do we make it interesting?
This was around Thanksgiving. I was learning how to use TikTok. One of the staff at the time mentioned that there might be a couple high schoolers who would help. We asked, they agreed, and they produced All Souls’ first TikTok video about the Thanksgiving collection. Flushed with success, I had this great idea last year that I would put out a call for some of our middle and high school students to become part of the church’s social media outreach team. They would help make videos for Tik Tok, talk about things that were relevant to them, and help me find ways to engage our younger souls around All Souls.
It. Failed. Miserably! Not one of our students reached out to participate.
So, I’ve gone back to the drawing board to figure out where I went wrong. I came up with a few thoughts.
First, I didn’t ask our students individually if social media was something they were interested in. I, like others in my generation and those before, assumed kids today all want to be social media influencers.
I didn’t ask if volunteering for All Souls was something they were even interested in. Just because they come to church with their families doesn’t necessarily mean they want to be here. Or talk about it. Or talk about it positively to other people. The same is true for adults too. Sometimes you’re trying something out. It doesn’t mean you’re ready to commit your free time to it. Many schools require students of a certain age bracket to do mandatory volunteerism. I naively thought we could offer students an opportunity to fill those needed hours.
Read that again. Mandatory volunteerism. Mandatory. Volunteerism.
What an oxymoron if I’ve ever read one.
I didn’t ask what causes are important to them. I assumed that church was important to them because they were here. I’m really kicking myself at this point, because I used to run an organization for LGBTQ+ teenagers when I lived in New Hampshire and I could just imagine the looks I’d get from some of my former youth. “Really, Rose? You didn’t ask? You know better.”
And I do know better. I promise to do better, and remember my roots, where I came from, why volunteerism is so important to me, and be supportive of volunteer activities our youth are interested in. Not because they have to be, but because they want to be.
The take away lessons here are:
First, and most important: Volunteering shouldn’t be mandatory, even if the coercion is from family. Forcing someone to help others doesn’t necessarily teach people to be selfless and caring. Sometimes it does the exact opposite – especially if it’s a task you don’t want to do for yourself, much less anyone else. Yes, we should expose our younger generations to helping others. Yes, we should encourage them to engage. Yes, we should support them in ways that matter so they do engage. But mandating volunteerism takes away the first tenant of volunteerism: giving of yourself because you want to and you can, to help others. Mandated community service is a punishment from the courts to avoid jailtime – please don’t treat your children to the same experience.
Second – ASK! My story earlier illustrates the pitfalls of not asking questions. Talk to your child, in an age appropriate conversation, about what things are important to them. Ask if they’re younger, ask them what they think volunteering is, if they think it’s important, and if yes, what types of volunteering they might want to do. If they’re older, check in and see how they feel about it, what they think would be valuable to them, and what they think they can bring to the table to help others.
My teens from the organization in New Hampshire would volunteer to be guest speakers at the OWL program in the Portsmouth, NH UU church. They would talk about their difficult experiences as teenagers coming out, transitioning genders, and being kicked out by their families – to peers they had never met before. Would they volunteer to clean up trash off a beach? Don’t bet on it. But I was approached by the CYRE Director there to ask my youth for volunteers, and ask I did. They stepped up in beautiful, brave, and authentic to themselves ways. It still brings tears to my eyes over a decade later.
Ask. Have a discussion. Talk about the wide variety of options out there. Research together, if the interest is there. Let them make the decision whenever possible.
Third – actually volunteering isn’t for everyone. It was hard to type that, but it’s the truth. Not everyone benefits from being a volunteer, especially unwilling volunteers. Acts of service are wider than we often let it be. Donating money is an act of service. Donating clean, used clothes you no longer wear is an act of service. Sitting with the loner kid at lunch, simply because, can be an act of service. Planting trees in your neighborhood. Putting food in the Little Pantry on 15th Street.
Widen your definition of service to others and recognize that different types of people serve in different ways. Talk to your child(ren) about the difference between volunteering and acts of service are.
Acts of service help others at some cost (big or small) to yourself.
Volunteerism may be the use or involvement of volunteer labor, especially in community services.
One of my youth was autistic, and didn’t want to do public speaking because the idea of it spiked their anxiety and threw off their entire routine for days after we broached the idea to the group. That youth instead wrote down their story and illustrated it with stick figures to share. That youth’s act of service was to write a book to share instead of talking aloud. Be willing to embrace thinking outside of the box on what volunteerism means.
Lastly, lead by example. If you’re reading this article, you’re already doing this. Have the discussions, think about and explore the many options available. If your child doesn’t want to volunteer, that’s fine. If you want to volunteer, do it! Illustrate what it looks like, talk about why you do it, offer them the opportunity to come with you but be okay with a refusal. Revisit the conversation periodically, get excited with them, be patient and understanding if they turn it down.
Ultimately, you know your child(ren) best. Showing them a wide variety of opportunities, doing them together, supporting their causes as well as your own, and being positive and supportive are beautiful ways to bring your family together and help others at the same time.
PS – My social media team is still looking for youth who are interested in being influencers and want to talk about All Souls! Email me if you have interest!